Decorating

My Eco Self has implemented eco-friendly home policies in my recently acquired flat. There are piles of unwashed dishes, to minimise the amount of water used in washing them. Low-energy light bulbs aren’t replaced until they’ve all blown and MES is fumbling around in the dark.
“I’m quite environmentally friendly at home,” I tell Food Neurotic Friend. “You’re just lazy” he retorts. MES is having a new kitchen installed, and is carefully considering all environmental issues. Energy ratings on all new kitchen appliances are rigorously checked, especially on the newly planned dishwasher. “Are you sure a dishwasher is environmentally friendly?” asks FNF.
MES considers a response. “Do moulding unwashed dishes emit carbon emissions?” FNF is not sure. My Eco Self also aspires to an ecologically sound interior design scheme – decorated with recycled furniture – such as a 1950s retro metal desk and an old shirt cabinet salvaged from a department store and recycled into the front window of an extortionately expensive interiors shop featured in Elle Decoration.

After having some preliminary work done to move the electrics, and estimates from various tradesmen, My Eco Self takes a bath to relax after the stress of DIY, directing it yourself. MES answers a call from FNF as I rub in a new rose-scented moisturiser made without preservatives and kept in the fridge. “Having a bath isn’t very environmentally friendly” says FNF, “unless you’re jumping out of a relaxing bath to clean the house with the leftover bathwater?”
“Are you kidding?” I reply, “I’m saving all that water on dishwashing. I’m water offsetting.”
“I’m not sure that’s a technical term” says Food Neurotic Friend.